Transparency – The Key To Saving Your Marriage Part II

I ‘hope after reading Tranparencey Part I you will agree that this transparency thing can be the key to a long and successful marriage.  So, here it is Part II.Here are 3 steps to help you share with one another and give your marriage a chance to thrive:

 

Couple at the beach smiling

 

Here are 3 steps to help you share with one another and give your marriage a chance to thrive:

Step 1: Set the Transparency Stage

Some perfectly healthy couples may struggle in sharing all the details of their individual lives. Even as a broken couple is trying to repair their marriage, the cheater and/or the victim may balk a bit at the idea of sharing everything. “What do you want me to be, an open book?” the cheating spouse may ask.

Well, yes. But you may define “open book” differently than another married couple. What you need to do first, as a couple, is sit down and decide what transparency means to each of you.

For example, your spouse may not want to know every time you go shopping for a new suit or new pair of shoes, and how much you paid for the items. Or, you may not need to know what your spouse talked to his brother about on a phone call, or the details of his morning spent fishing.

Let’s face it: while information makes up our lives, a good deal of it is simply minutiae. Without setting the stage as to your expectations in the arena of transparency, you may both exhaust yourselves providing details that aren’t necessary to keep communication transparent between you. Tease out the types of things that make you feel comfortable to know about on a continuing basis.

For example, you may find it’s important for your spouse to be transparent about:

1) Who is calling him/her on their cell phone, maybe requesting that they give a casual mention of “That was so-and-so, calling about such-and-such.”

2) Who they meet up with for lunch or after-dinner cocktails.

3) What’s bothering them: at work, at home, in their life in general.

These are some basics for maintaining transparency, and do not include how to go about discussing details of an affair. We will look at that particular topic more in-depth in next week’s blog.

Step 2: Act on What You’ve Decided as a Couple

Once you’ve decided on the areas where you’d like more transparency, begin the sharing.

Transparency is a communication skill, and it’s one that is individualized to you and your spouse as a unique couple. As with any new skill, it will take time, and more than a little patience, to get it down. Commit to applying yourself to practicing the skill daily.

Step 3: Appreciate Each Other’s Efforts

When your spouse is sharing information with you, appreciate their efforts by giving them your full attention. Your patience may be a little tried when there are fits and starts as to the type of information shared. Be grateful that there is sharing, and give your spouse eye contact to encourage their efforts. This also offers reassurance that you care and that you are involved.

This comes back to prioritizing your marriage, to work toward becoming “one” instead of just “one of two individuals sharing the bills and the same roof.” Now, which of these sounds more enticing and inspiring to you?

I’d be interested to hear about your efforts to become more transparent …

What have been the challenges in becoming more transparent?

Have you and your spouse communicated your own definitions of

 

Step 1: Set the Transparency Stage

Some perfectly healthy couples may struggle in sharing all the details of their individual lives. Even as a broken couple is trying to repair their marriage, the cheater and/or the victim may balk a bit at the idea of sharing everything. “What do you want me to be, an open book?” the cheating spouse may ask.

Well, yes. But you may define “open book” differently than another married couple. What you need to do first, as a couple, is sit down and decide what transparency means to each of you.

For example, your spouse may not want to know every time you go shopping for a new suit or new pair of shoes, and how much you paid for the items. Or, you may not need to know what your spouse talked to his brother about on a phone call, or the details of his morning spent fishing.

Let’s face it: while information makes up our lives, a good deal of it is simply minutiae. Without setting the stage as to your expectations in the arena of transparency, you may both exhaust yourselves providing details that aren’t necessary to keep communication transparent between you. Tease out the types of things that make you feel comfortable to know about on a continuing basis.

For example, you may find it’s important for your spouse to be transparent about:

1) Who is calling him/her on their cell phone, maybe requesting that they give a casual mention of “That was so-and-so, calling about such-and-such.”

2) Who they meet up with for lunch or after-dinner cocktails.

3) What’s bothering them: at work, at home, in their life in general.

These are some basics for maintaining transparency, and do not include how to go about discussing details of an affair. We will look at that particular topic more in-depth in next week’s blog.

Step 2: Act on What You’ve Decided as a Couple

Once you’ve decided on the areas where you’d like more transparency, begin the sharing.

Transparency is a communication skill, and it’s one that is individualized to you and your spouse as a unique couple. As with any new skill, it will take time, and more than a little patience, to get it down. Commit to applying yourself to practicing the skill daily.

Step 3: Appreciate Each Other’s Efforts

When your spouse is sharing information with you, appreciate their efforts by giving them your full attention. Your patience may be a little tried when there are fits and starts as to the type of information shared. Be grateful that there is sharing, and give your spouse eye contact to encourage their efforts. This also offers reassurance that you care and that you are involved.

This comes back to prioritizing your marriage, to work toward becoming “one” instead of just “one of two individuals sharing the bills and the same roof.” Now, which of these sounds more enticing and inspiring to you?

I’d be interested to hear about your efforts to become more transparent …

What have been the challenges in becoming more transparent?

Again, let me recommend this save your marriage resource:………………………………………………………………Click Here!

You can’t just take the relationship back to “where it used to be.” This is not enough.

Couples cannot simply get back to where they were when the marriage got in trouble. The marriage always had the beginnings of a crisis.

Instead, it needs to get to a place where the marriage is insulated against any future crisis.

SaveMarriage2_flat

 

Achieving an “average” marriage isn’t enough. . . you want and need an exceptional marriage!………..Click Here! and get started right now enriching your marriage!

Hoping this helps,

Larry

About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
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