Common Sense Tips for Stopping the Divorce
There are numerous reasons why a once committed relationship would
degenerate to one partner asking for a divorce. It could have been:
* an affair
* having been separated by a long distance for lengths of time
* behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse
* midlife crisis
* even unmanaged addictions.
Regardless of the problems seen and experienced on the surface, the
bottom line is that usually, barring any abuse or psychological
problems that are best handled by a professional, a couple can find
themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:
* and intimacy
in the marital relationship.
Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift
between partners. With good communication skills and a shared
commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable.
However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of
abandoning the marriage, how can the remaining partner save
If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce,
what can you do?
You must realize first that, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE. Often, when
confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner
thinking we have no choice in the matter.
How can we change the situation when it involves another person’s
feelings or decisions?
While we cannot, MUST NOT and IN NO WAY manipulate, blackmail or
threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually
control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must
realize that you still have control over yourself.
While you may feel your spouses actions are the issue here, your reactions
to those actions are actually more important.
You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for
your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take
personal inventory of what your spouse is trying to tell you.
Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so,
respond appropriately and proactively.
Here’s the thing. You can choose to wallow in pain and anger or you
can choose to become even more positive and loving towards your
You can choose to blame and shame your spouse or you can
choose to take stock, be accountable for where your marriage is and
move on towards a more fulfilling, happy you.
Yes, you heard right. YOU can CHOOSE to be fulfilled and happy in
the midst of crisis.
Even if your spouse is stubborn and unresponsive, you can still
change yourself and become as engaging, positive and proactive as
you were when you first fell in love.
Usually, at the struggling stage of a marriage, one or both
couples would look back and miss the good old days where it was
easy to be together. You can capture those days again – and even
add to them with your own current maturity and growth.
After all, you did not spend all those years together to throw what
you have away so easily.
You and your spouse have made a huge investment into this
marriage and your intention to stay in the marriage through
positive loving actions, through open communication and
strengthened commitment, can help your spouse refocus their view on
what you once committed to.
Become a loving person again by caring for your spouse in the
little everyday things. Be there for him or her when before you may
have been too much of a workaholic.
This marriage crisis may be the one thing that raises your awareness
of the many gifts your relationship has offered you. Sometimes
we don’t appreciate things that come to us too easily, or don’t
appreciate them until they are gone.
By raising your awareness of your marriage crisis, and empowering
yourself to stay positive regardless of the many influences threatening
to drag you down, fate has offered you the chance to change your
Let go of the negative. Let go of the fighting. Once you are able
to do that, you are ready to start loving.
Set aside intimate time just for your spouse alone whereas
previously, you may have let the kids take up too much of your
Then, when the time comes that you are able to open communication
with your spouse and actually sit down and discuss the crisis
you’re in -ask him or her if he or she realizes just how much
effort a divorce could entail?
Does your spouse actually realize that a divorce has emotional,
financial, logistical and physical consequences, often stretching
out years beyond a divorce?
A divorce brings CHANGE and it is definitely not to be taken
embrace this change?
Finally, you also have the option to involve a third party or
mediator to help you and your spouse through this situation. If the
situation is truly serious then by all means, get help.
This is not the time to let your pride get in the way. A
professional counselor, trusted elder or neutral friend can help in
putting things into perspective between you and your spouse and
may even help unlock deep seated concerns or issues.
For all you know, it may be as simple as your spouse wanting more
attention or more ways to open up to you.
For more tips on helping yourself get the best of your marriage
resolution, check out the time-tested tips at Save My Marriage Today:
Break Free From the Affair
Save Your Marriage Ebook
One on One Personal Coaching
Yes, you can talk about it. Ask your burning questions. Accelerate your healing process. Find the best words and phrases to stop the marital crisis. Get the affirmation that empowers. Click here for more information.