It’s difficult to accept some responsibility in a marriage that is broken. But sometimes you need to ask yourself the hard questions so you can salvage what’s left of your marriage.
There are other things that can happen in a marriage that are quite common break-up drivers, meaning, they create fertile ground for an eventual break-up. Let’s take a look at three very common ones. Please keep reading…
First Comes Love, Then Comes the Hard Part In Saving That Marriage
You find your marriage is on the skids, and you wonder… where did it all go wrong?
And, you want to know if it was something you perhaps did?
If your spouse cheated on your marriage, that was their choice and you are not responsible. Cheating is a different set of circumstances—regardless of the level of problems your marriage may have had prior to the affair.
What we’re talking about here is behavior that any of us can get caught up in that must be changed if we want to prevent a break-up or divorce.
You hear all the time that it takes two people to make a marriage work. We all smile and nod to show that we understand that perfectly, and we’re right on top of our game.
When you first got together with your spouse, it was so easy, right? You and your spouse would have a spat, but things were quickly patched up: you were so eager to please each other, to make things right. You both worked together to compromise, to take care of each other’s needs.
And then, at some point on the marriage continuum, you drew back into your corner, your spouse drew back into an opposing corner, and things became… hard. Your spouse pointed at you, and you pointed at your spouse, and suddenly those tender compromises were a thing of the past.
Now the environment has become ripe for a break-up/divorce. Is that what you intended?
If not, read on and get ready to ask yourself some hard questions…
Three Common Break-up Drivers
You’re still reading, which means you never intended for things to get so out of hand between you and your spouse, and you’re more than willing to ask yourself one of the hardest questions of all: what is my part in our marriage problems?
There are three very common break-up drivers that happen in . Sniff them out and get rid of them fast, if you want to save your marriage. The only control you have over your marriage is what you do in it. Here goes:
Break-up Driver #1: Disrespecting Your Spouse
This one is very difficult to admit to, but if you’re doing it, please know that in marriage it is driving your spouse away whether you want to acknowledge it or not.
It’s disrespect. And the way you can identify it is if you call your spouse names when you’re upset, or speak down or with a criticizing tone to your spouse or publicly embarrassing your spousefor doing something “wrong.”
Any of these is a way of withholding respect from your spouse. Ask yourself: “Would I speak to my boss this way?”
Break-up Driver #2: Taking Your Spouse for Granted
In the early days, it was no doubt easy to spend time with your spouse. You wanted to, right? But as the marriage ran into some struggles, or you simply wanted to spend time “doing your thing,” you may have stopped spending time with your spouse.
What this tells your spouse is, “I don’t value you enough to carve time into my busy life for you.” Now, you may not consciously intend to convey such a message, but what else is your spouse to think?
There are other ways of taking your partner for granted: it’s any time you make an assumption about their time or effort—something you would never do to a friend or a person in authority over you.
Break-up Driver #3: Irritability
This one may not sound like it can drive you to a break-up, but think about it: if you’re irritable all the time, who wants to be around you?
Irritability comes in different forms, such as negative tone of voice, saying mean things to your spouse or being otherwise critical or blaming. Frankly, it’s unpleasant to be around someone who is like this.
So, it’s time to ask yourself the hard questions: are you engaging in any of these break-up driving behaviors? If so, work on stopping them immediately, and find another way to convey your displeasure, needs, etc. if you want to save your marriage.