My best to you in knowing when a marriage should be “DNR”.
Almost every piece of marriage advice you read or hear encourages you to fix your relationship.
And probably 99.9/% of the time, that’s excellent advice.
Then there are the exceptions…
At one point should a marriage be declared “do not resuscitate?” When should you withdraw life support?
In today’s blog lets look at symptoms or red flags that should be telling you…..this marriage is DNR.
When to Stay In, When to Fold…
Many people who are experiencing bumps in their marriage may think, “If I moved on, I could have a great relationship with someone new…”
Maybe you could, but it’s something you’d need a crystal ball to know for sure. No matter what relationship you’re in, it’s going to take time and effort to nurture the connection between you.
Abandoning ship may seem like a smart move, but the next one will more than likely have its own share of leaks.
In most cases, an honest, all-out effort to fix your marriage—to make things work with the person you’re with—is a wise decision. Running from problems isn’t usually the answer, though those problems may be uncomfortable to deal with.
But there are a couple of reasons why you may want to end the marriage without putting any more effort into making things work. These two should be viewed as absolute deal breakers:
1- Emotional abuse: degrading through name-calling, negative comments about abilities or looks, humiliation
2- Physical abuse: pushing/shoving, hitting, anything using physical force
In both cases, you are a victim of your spouse, and the issue is not with you—it’s with them. There is no amount of love or work that the victim can do to repair this problem within the abuser.
Physical abuse and emotional abuse are both dangerous, but obviously for different reasons. Emotional abuse damages the victim’s psyche, leading to an erosion of self-confidence, feelings of self-worth and sense of safety. And physical abuse can be deadly.
Many victims of emotional/physical abuse are so immersed in their situation, they can’t see it as clearly. Or, they make excuses.
Here are two tips if you suspect your situation may be abusive:
Tip #1: Research the Signs
Search online for “emotional abuse” and read up on the signs and descriptions of behaviors that are abusive. With physical abuse, there are no shades of gray: someone either uses physical force—whether it’s a finger, hand, forearm or foot, and does it to intimidate you into submission—or they don’t.
Tip #2: Seek Counseling
If you find yourself waffling about whether or not you are in an, at the very least, emotionally abusive marriage, seek the guidance of a counselor. One of the issues that comes about from emotional abuse is a lack of self-confidence, so you may doubt your ability to know what you are experiencing is “normal” or intensely damaging to your psyche.
The Link Below Could Help Save Your Marriage
Do you think you are in an abusive marriage?
If so, do you make excuses for your partner?