There are two types of anger, and they can become detrimental to your marriage if they linger.Maybe your partner cheated, or blew every cent in your joint savings account, or invites family to stay over for weeks on end, expecting you to look after the guests.
No doubt you have a right to your anger if you are being put into less than favorable situations. But it’s up to you whether you want to exercise your right to anger, and for how long.
Lets take a look at the two types of anger, and tips to effectively manage anger
Two Types of Anger
When you’ve been betrayed or otherwise wronged by a partner, it’s a natural reaction to feel anger. Your question is, “What gives you the right to hurt me or do me wrong?”
How you handle your anger is up to you.
We may feel anger, but we can control how we wield it. There are two kinds of anger we’ll look at: confrontational anger, and suppressed anger.
1) Confrontational Anger
Confrontational anger is when you let someone know you’re angry by confronting them: you express what you feel the wrong is, and how you feel about that. Confrontational anger should be situational and done appropriately.
When someone does something that hurts you, it is healthier in the long run to confront it and set your boundary… the expectation that something like that won’t happen again.
But when every interaction with your spouse becomes confrontational, this is not healthy. You don’t want your life to be characterized by ongoing angry feelings.
Tip #1: Roar vs. Whisper
Some people raise their voice when they’re angry. I won’t tell you not to raise your voice, but understand that you have the choice to do so, or to talk with a whisper. Have you ever heard someone whisper when they’re angry? It can be just as effective.
So, if you feel bad after yelling or you don’t wish to do it because you have kids in the house or you think it’s disrespectful, know that yelling or saying nothing are not your only options. You can pause, take a deep breath, and then purposely lower your voice. It is still an attention-getter.
2) Suppressed Anger
People who suppress their anger look at anger as a bad thing, and maybe even feel they don’t have a right to it. Problem is, suppressing anger doesn’t mean you aren’t expressing it… you’re just expressing it inside.
Researchers have found suppressed anger to be very unhealthy for the body. Think about it: you have a simmering cauldron inside of you with the lid screwed on tight. It can create feelings of depression, despondency, and bitterness… all of which can cause stress within the body.
People who suppress their anger feel resentful because they don’t feel free to outwardly express their feelings. And, they also beat themselves up, both for feeling angry inside as well as not feeling free to express themselves to the perpetrator.
Tip #2: Alternative Expression
You can work towards expressing your anger outwardly, but it will take time to let yourself go, to open the lid.
One of the best in-between steps you can take is to keep a journal. Within the privacy of a journal, you can let it all hang out: write in all capital letters, use tons of exclamation points, even curse. In a journal, you are free to release those pent-up feelings. It’s a very healthy release, and is a great tool for sorting out your thoughts and feelings.
My best to you in managing anger.