You may wonder how something like this happens to a marriage that was once happy. You were once two people who were once deeply in love, and somewhere along the way, the caring for each other got lost.
In this blog, lets look at 3 steps for motivating your spouse to have hope and work with you to save the marriage.
How Spouses Lose Hope With Saving A Marriage
For some couples, their marriage becomes torn apart by an affair. For others, they simply stop connecting and communicating, and the marriage erodes. Either way, the results are the same: a marriage coming apart at the seams.
Maybe your spouse has lost hope that your marriage can be salvaged. This erosion in the marriage bond can happen over time, especially if the marriage has taken a backseat to other things such as jobs, kids and outside interests.
You—and your spouse—may feel you are taken for granted much more than you are appreciated and valued. Since neither feels special anymore, the chances of the marriage surviving have declined.
Frustration and resentment can build, and you can see how one or both of you can begin to disbelieve in the ability to make a change.
If your marriage is struggling, your relationship has likely become adversarial instead of friendly. Even if there isn’t open hostility, the two of you probably aren’t getting along. If you are going to save your marriage, you need to correct this situation soon. Or else, the ugly alternative is your marriage will be irreparably damaged, with one or both of you looking for the exit door.
Motivate Your Spouse to Save the Marriage
Most people are reluctant to throw in the towel on their marriage. They take it as a sign of failure, or they didn’t do enough to make things right. They want to reach their spouse, but no longer know how, or what will motivate them to want to save the marriage, too.
Here are 3 steps to break through to your spouse and turn things around so you can both work together to save the marriage.
Step 1: Revive Your Friendship
You may need to practice thinking like a friend. If you don’t believe that your spouse is your best friend, you should start by thinking that you want to be your spouse’s best friend. In order to get your spouse to be your best friend, you must first become his or her best friend. You have a much better chance of proactively changing yourself than you do changing someone else.
Analyze your own thinking and behavior to figure out if your responses are the responses a friend would make. If they’re not, you must figure out how to change them.
Step 2: Leading the Horse to Water
There has to be a friendly, cooperative mood to revive your spouse’s belief in the marriage so the love can come out of hiding. By continuing to be a friend, you can build hope that things might change for the better. As you maintain a positive attitude, you should notice a friendly shift in your partner’s attitude.
Sometimes getting your spouse to the first step is the hardest part. You will know if you are consistently maintaining your stance as a friend, because adversarial exchanges will diminish. By itself, this change is often enough for the other person to consider working again on the relationship, whether in do-it-yourself mode or with a counselor.
Step 3: Talk about Your Relationship
Don’t avoid the topic: get a conversation going about your relationship. Without blaming anyone, tell your partner that you don’t like the relationship you’ve developed and that you expect that he or she also doesn’t like what you as a couple have become. Ask if that is true or not.
Also, be sure to reaffirm your loving and caring feelings for your spouse. Express your desire to make your marriage better. Ask where your spouse stands regarding your feelings and desires for healing your marriage, and if they will work with you to save the marriage.
My best to you in motivating your spouse to save the marriage.
Do you think your spouse has lost hope in saving the marriage?
Have you and your spouse stopped treating each other with the care you would give a friend?
Have you almost given up hope in saving your marriage?