You want to save your marriage, but one question keeps playing in your head: “once a cheater, always a cheater?”While many believe that a cheater can never change, we as humans have an enormous capacity to make positive changes. Does this mean your spouse definitively won’t cheat again?
In this blog, I’ll give you three indications of a right and narrow path on the part of your spouse that you can look for so to determine what your spouse may do in the future. Read on and you may help to save your marriage.
Will Cheater’s History Repeat Itself?
People can be rolling along through their lives rather predictably, and then one day can do something so unpredictable, others around them are shocked. Marital cheating can be one of those traumatic events.
Have you ever seen news stories in which neighbors will describe a fellow neighbor who has been accused of perpetrating a crime as being “very nice, polite, friendly…?” That is, until this person acted unpredictably and committed a crime.
No one knows the depths of the human heart or what truly goes on in the mind of another.
And when your spouse burns your trust by cheating, you are thrown the cruelest punch of all. This is why you are unsure whether or not your spouse is capable of cheating again: you were no doubt surprised to learn that he or she was capable of doing it the first time.
Experts often say that past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. While this holds true in many cases, it is not a universal absolute. You need not be the detective in your marriage, but you need to be aware of behavioral differences in your spouse.
For example, let’s say you’re eating in your car and run off the road because you were cleaning up some taco filling that fell onto your lap. Running off the road may have scared you enough that you will never eat in your car again. Or maybe you will. It is a decision that will be made, based on prior experience.
Most people who have had a negative experience tend to learn not to do that again, and so change their behavior.
Such is the case with your spouse: he or she has just had a negative experience, which was being caught cheating. When you are told “It will never happen again,” this may be the truth.
Here are three indications that your spouse has learned from their negative experience and may be good for their word:
Indication #1: Is the apology from the cheater sincere?
If your spouse has said to you, “It’ll never happen again,” and yet, has not even apologized—this is not a favorable indication that they won’t do it again.
For one, it shows a lack of compassion to not offer an apology when you’ve done someone wrong. It may not fix things, but it does show an acknowledgment of having done wrong and taking ownership.
Building trust and forgiveness are important in rebuilding your marriage from the rubble of an affair. The cheater needs an open door to restoration however, they also need to know that recovery on your part can come very slow.