Marriage And Unconditional Love

So just what is Unconditional Love?  First of all it does not mean you are to be a door mat for some controlling, abusive spouse. To me it means that just like people there are no perfect marriages.

The ups and downs will come, unconditional love means loving that other person in the good times as well as the bad times.

Marriage, like life, is a cycle of ups and downs.

It’s easy to say your marriage is in good health when the world around you  is  prospering, but when your fortunes turn and your world is in hardship, how you interact within your marriage can often paint an altogether different picture.

How we feel about those we love can have a huge impact on the health of the relationship, much like a relationship with a friend. We love our friends, but the real test of a friendship or relationship is when, in times of crisis, we feel let down or disappointed in our loved ones or the outcome achieved.

In many cases, the disappointment you feel is in your perspective of the situation. You set standards of behavior for yourself and set the same high standards for those around you, and are disappointed when they let you down.

“You feel disappointment so keenly because you love people so much”

So is it the same when we feel disappointed or let down by our partners? Do we feel disappointment or hurt so keenly because we put our partners up on such a pedestal and expect them to always get it right?

I tell myself that I must lower my expectations of others and that I will do so in what they expect of me, but the reality is that I seem unable to do so. I think the world of my friends. If I love someone I feel compelled to share this thought with them so that they might know that they are valued, and I constantly live in hope that the same feelings are felt in return.

But in taking a closer look, we realize that this is part of what love is about. Sharing our feelings of connection with others, and letting them know that what they do is valued. We feel a sense of togetherness when we are able to share our feelings with others. Love is also what keeps us coming back for more, keeps us trying to do things better, and helps us to keep trying even when we feel let down.

So how can we practice more unconditional love?

Some would say that unconditional love is giving love without the expectation of reciprocation.

But it doesn’t make it any easier. Part of loving those around you is knowing that they share the same values as you, and that they will be there to support you when you need it.

Knowing that quitting isn’t an option, and that the benefit of hanging in there is going to deliver benefits to both of you is what keeps many people going. Telling your partner about your feelings and expectations is a hard thing to do, and exposes you to a certain amount of  vulnerability.

There is also the fear that your comments can be taken the wrong way, or that they can be used against you or interpreted as a criticism. It’s not about criticism.

It’s about helping your partner see why you feel the way you do. It’s about helping communicate a part of what makes you tick. It may not be perfect, and it feels scary, but that is one of the most valuable parts of this exercise. In talking to a partner about your feelings and what leads you to feel these feelings is a valuable part of intimacy. It’s about getting to know each other better. And realising that loving someone is about loving them even when they let you down.

All marriages can be helped by a little more unconditional love.

It’s not just about avoiding divorce. . . it’s about creating the  marriage relationship of your secret dreams. . . 
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About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since.

It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage.

Thank you

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