Marriage Was Not Meant To Be A War

 Your Spouse is NOT Your Enemy, Marriage Was Never Meant To Be A War!

By Dr. Bob Huizenga

Some just don’t understand do they?

Why Do you stay with your spouse?

Marriage And Worry

Demolition Derby Can Apply To A Marriage

Family, friends and close others sometimes indicate directly or indirectly, “Why do you put up with his/her shenanigans? You would be better off if you just left!”

Or, you may think: “WHY do I put up with this? Why don’t I just leave this marriage?”

Please know that the desire to stay, to “work it out” and the need to salvage your marriage is, indeed, strong.

The experience of professionals with over 30 years of clinical experience walking with thousands through individual and marital chaos tells them that most want to save the marriage, even though the behavior of a spouse may border on the criminal.

I believe there are a couple obvious reasons for this.

Number one: you really KNOW your spouse; better than anyone else.

Intuitively you pick up on his/her pain, confusion, hurt, emptiness and what I call, lostness. 

You look and FEEL beyond the surface of his/her life.

You may want to help or, at least, you want to be there, perhaps, to pick up the pieces as s/he moves through healing and personal restoration.

You know the pain may have an end or some constructive form of resolution.

You are a sensitive person. And sensitive people CARE.

 Number two: You know that there is a “good” part of him/her.

You remember that part. You remember how much you loved and were attracted to that part of him/her.

The memories are powerful. The memories keep you hanging in there. Your memories give you hope that maybe, just maybe, this too shall pass and the “old” him/her will be recaptured.

BUT, right now, if feels like you are enemies.

It’s as if you are now with a stranger, a distant one, at that.

You don’t feel safe. You don’t trust. You don’t know what will happen next.

It seems as if you no longer truly KNOW him/her.

And, you wonder what to say, what to do next with this stranger that you greet periodically.

Where do you start? How can the enemy barrier be crashed? How can you “reach” him/her?

In the book  Save Your Marriage Forever, you can begin to rebuild trust and your marriage.

Here’s how you use it:

 1. Learn more about your spouse.

Read “Save Your Marriage Forever” and learn: How to make the Distancing Spouse right (without wimping out) to create a SAFE FEELING in your marriage.

You will discover 10 common patterns that the distancing spouse uses to cope with his/her pain. You will be less reactive and personalize less his/her acting out behaviors as you understand these common patterns.

2. IF your spouse is somewhat emotionally available and there is a shred of trust, offer the free report to him/her.

Hopefully the title will convey hope.

Hopefully s/he will be able to see and know that s/he is not a “bad person” but merely trying to find his/her way through life.

This MIGHT start interesting and fruitful conversations.

WARNING: This will not be effective for everyone. If there is extreme distance. If there is abuse (emotional, verbal or physical) don’t give it to him/her.

Timing is crucial. And understanding your marriage (is it Red, Yellow or Green?) is vital to using this material effectively.

The goal: you want less tension in your marriage. You want to feel safe. You want a baseline that will generate the warmth and healing.

I’m offering this, newly created ebook for you to download, and perhaps share with your spouse. In the introduction I talk about the sharing process. I have it listed below as Save Your Marriage Forever E Book…..Get yours today!

Best Resources
Save a Marriage
Save Your Marriage Ebook
Learn how to control your feelings, calm yourself and move through a marriage crisis with confidence and effectiveness. This ebook works even. Click here for more information.
Dr. Huizenga
One on One Personal Coaching
Yes, you can talk about it. Ask your burning questions. Accelerate your healing process. Find the best words and phrases to stop the marital crisis. Get the affirmation that empowers. Click here for more information.
Best regards,
Laurence

About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since.

It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage.

Thank you

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