Internet access, picture cell phones… technology has created some interesting sexual-addiction opportunities. You may have thought your sex life was “normal,” and then come across something that challenged that view, whether it’s your spouse’s interest in internet porn or a stash of pornographic magazines and DVDs.
Now, you may be confused, wondering if your spouse is a sex addict.
Saving Your Marriage
Sexual addiction is a complex topic. In this blog, we’ll examine one way in which sex addicts try to justify their behavior so if you hear this excuse, you can take proactive steps to help him overcome the addiction and heal your marriage using 2 steps. Read on…
Speak Up for Yourself if You Suspect Addiction
Sex is an integral and beautiful part of a healthy marriage. Sometimes, though, sex becomes something that feels like constant physical craving rather than an expression of love. This is a form of “sex addiction,” and it can bring a lot of pain into your marriage.
A sex addict has his priorities mixed up, placing sex near the top—or even at the very top—of his list above all else. Sex becomes more important than his marriage, his friendships, or his own well-being, and he craves it like a drug. And, just like an addict, he will do anything to get a fix. Some spouses even try to coerce you into becoming involved in a deviant and dangerous lifestyle.
When your spouse gets the craving, he might go to the Internet. He might pick up a woman in a bar. He might do any number of things that he promised you he would never do again. In order to justify his behavior to himself, he might even ask you to join in.
Don’t let your spouse’s sex addiction make the decisions in your marriage. You need to set firm relationship boundaries, and say “no” to suggestions that make you uncomfortable.
If you go to bed early and your husband stays up for hours on the Internet, ask him in your friendliest tone and with a smile on your face to come to bed with you—it shouldn’t seem like a punishment to him. Or, suggest an activity, such as watching a movie, playing a board game, or having a conversation, which will allow you to stay up together.
Sex addictions often grow worse because scenarios that could have been avoided are allowed to spin out of control. And, your spouse needs to stop making excuses for his behavior. For example, don’t buy the “I’m Just a Red-Blooded Male” excuse.
Some men use that line to avoid being held accountable for looking at porn online, or flirting with a co-worker. They claim that all men act like this. Don’t buy this excuse. A sex addict, just like any other type of addict, will always seek ways to justify his behavior.
Sex addiction is built upon deceit, so you need to begin the cleansing process as soon as possible, using these 2 steps:
Step 1: Flush the Toilet
Look at dishonesty as if it were layers of filth and grime. The only way to rid your relationship is to “flush the toilet.” You put everything out in the open, being completely honest about everything you have ever done.
This is painful, and it might even finish your relationship. Telling the truth is a risk, but if it’s done authentically, and you keep working on your relationship, you will have a starting point of complete honesty. If your partner has struggled with sex addiction, this will help put him back on the path toward honesty. He is allowing you to take a real account of his character.
Step 2: Commit to a “No-Lies Policy.”
Once you remove the filth of lies burdening your relationship, you want to keep your relationship clean. That means total honesty. No lies, omissions, or clever wordings that get around the truth. In marriages threatened by sex addiction, dishonesty and secrets are big problems.
Make honesty a habit in order to heal your relationship.
My best to you as you heal your marriage.
Do you suspect your spouse is sex-addicted?
Has your spouse used any unique justifications?
Have you been working together to resolve the addiction?
An excellent resource…….Saving Your Marriage