Healthy Marriages Need Differences. A couple may share their home, their lives, and their love, and yet experience their worlds in different ways that leads them to simply not understand one another.
It is important to understand these differences to foster a healthy marriage. If you feel you don’t understand how your spouse thinks, it may be a matter of perspective: you see through your lens onto the world, while your spouse sees the world through their own unique lens.
Is your way better? In this blog, we’ll explore how to understand your spouse so you can deepen your emotional connection with him or her, using 3 guidelines to get you started. Please keep reading…
Which Spouse Is Right in their Perception?
We all live our own truth, which makes it a moving target and depends on whom you ask and how that other person or spouse feels about it. The truth varies as the experience varies.
Think of how many different points of view you get when a crowd of people witnesses the same accident. These people aren’t lying, or misled, they’re simply relaying their interpretation of an event through the filter of their own experience and perceptions.
Such is the case with you and your spouse. It is important to understand your partner’s reality and perspective as he or she has experienced it. Being human, you cannot truly determine if your understanding is correct or not, but you should put forth an effort to do so. A person must accept the limitations they have concerning the extent of understanding someone else. You need to allow that you may be misinterpreting what your partner tells you.
When there are problems and conflicts in a marriage, most couples get into trouble when they try to establish what is the “truth” as it relates to their relationship.
Similar to witnessing an accident, if there is an incident involving you and your spouse that later leads to an argument, you each have your own perspective about what happened. You want your spouse to agree with your view of what happened, and your spouse wants you to agree with his or her perspective.
If you are like most couples, you get into an argument trying to convince the other about the truth, when in reality there is no single truth.
Understanding Your Spouse: A Primer
Here are 3 guidelines for how you and your spouse can begin to work together to start understanding each others differences:
Guideline 1: Listen Like a Friend
Set aside the idea of the truth as you see it and listen to understand your spouse’s experience. You probably won’t like your partner’s view. You don’t have to agree with it, but it is important that you understand it thoroughly and completely as best that you can.
Guideline 2: How to Approach Emotionally-laden Topics
When you speak about emotionally-laden topics, keep your points short. When emotions are aroused, there is a general human tendency for the listener’s memory span to become shortened and to remember mainly the latter part of what is said.
Guideline 3: Mirror Your Spouse’s Words
Speak your partner’s language when possible. When you are the listener, use your partner’s words and ideas as you explain your understanding of what was just conveyed. If you use a term that your spouse doesn’t agree with, you should be ready to throw your word away and try again to use a word
Together, through the Save The Marriage System , we can save your