Cheating in any marriage is painful and hurtful.
Cheating in a marriage is one of the most difficult betrayals to overcome, and many couples can never really move past it. It will take a lot of time and love to rebuild the distrust that cheating has caused and unless both of you are committed to it 100% you might as well call it quits right now because it simply won’t work.
If you’re the one who has been cheated on, it may be very difficult for you to ever trust your partner again, no matter how much they apologize. If you tell them that you are willing to try you better make darn sure that you really are willing to try.
One of the biggest traps of this type of situation is the tendency of the person who was betrayed to punish the cheater throughout the rest of the relationship. The problem is, that you won’t really know if that’s what will happen or not since you might sincerely believe you can forgive them for the betrayal.
Make sure that you are only staying because you truly believe the two of you can make things work and not because you’re afraid of being on your own. If your partner has cheated more than once, do yourself a favor and run, don’t walk, away.
We often get confused about the causes of cheating, we think it’s about sex, but it’s not really. The truth is that it’s about one persons serious character flaws and insecurities.
There have been a string of high profile cases lately where husbands have cheated on their (very beautiful) wives almost from the day they said “I do”. What is their excuse? Is it an addiction?
Is it that their wives weren’t meeting their needs?
The truth is that with most of these cases the cheaters are just insecure children who never grew up enough to live up to their word. When they said “I do” it was supposed to mean “I won’t” but they selfishly did whatever it was that made them feel better for a few minutes.
If you’re in a marriage with someone like that you are really better off to just leave. It’s unlikely that any amount of therapy will help your partner grow up and grow a conscience or grow some character. You don’t need the pain.
If, on the other hand, your partner made a one time mistake and the two of you had a great marriage prior to that (and you think you really can forgive them) than by all means give it a shot.
It would probably be best to enlist the help of a therapist who can help the two of you navigate the minefield that is going to follow the affair. It will be tough for the two of you to keep your emotions in check long enough to find a path to the loving relationship you once shared.
It won’t be easy, but cheating in a marriage can be overcome but only if both parties really want it.
If you aren’t both committed totally to making things better and moving on, than you’re better off calling it quits right now so you can find someone who knows what honesty and fidelity is all about.