Can You Save Your Marriage Alone ?

Can you save your marriage alone?  Good Question.  Many have asked the same thing.  Yes, it is possible but it will take a lot of work.  In the end you will need the cooperation of your spouse to make this coming together possible. Here are some steps you can take to begin saving your marriage alone.



Man and woman staring at each other with hostile expressions.

Realizing that Love is a decision not an emotion.Wow, nothing is worse than being in a marriage that is falling apart right in front of you and knowing that your partner isn’t going to try to work with you to fix things.  It’s not easy to save your marriage alone, but is it possible if you are willing to put in all the work? The answer to that question is: maybe.

The really important thing you have to keep in mind is that sometimes we get so focused in on one goal that we never stop to ask ourselves if the goal is worthwhile. This happens all the time in marriages. One or the other feels the marriage falling apart and they decide they have to save it at all costs. They get so focused on that outcome that they never really stop to ask themselves if they should save it.

It might be difficult to hear, and many religions don’t say it, but not all marriages should be saved. Sometimes there are simply too many problems to overcome. This is especially true if one partner has a problem. Just look at the recent spate of celebrity divorces due to infidelity.

If a partner is unfaithful once and truly and sincerely regrets it, the marriage may be saved (it won’t be easy, but it is possible) but if it’s a situation where one partner has cheated pretty much from day one of the marriage with multiple partners than that is indicative of a very severe mental problem and it’s going to take a long, long time for that to be overcome, and it can only be overcome if that person really wants to change.

In this scenario ending the pain and suffering of the non-philandering spouse is the most important consideration. The marriage probably shouldn’t be saved at all, if you’re in this situation it’s not going to be easy to save your marriage alone.

Another example: I have a friend who is a great wife and mother. Her husband is an alcoholic. He refuses to admit he has a problem or get any help. My friend wants her marriage to work and she wants to stay together, but unless her husband is willing to change even if she does stay it’s going to be a very bad marriage and not a good example to her kids.

You don’t want your children growing up seeing one parent being disrespectful and abusive and the other parent being a doormat and allowing them self to be treated that way. It can really teach the kids very bad ideas of what a relationship should be like. It’s sometimes better to move on and hopefully find someone who can be a good parent. That will show the kids the right way to treat a partner.

If you really want to save your marriage alone, you need to think it through carefully. If your partner doesn’t care about you or the relationship enough to try to save it, what are you really trying to save?  A good relationship will never be perfect but it should be fairly well balanced where each partner is giving as much as they are getting.

There will be times when you do all of the giving and then there will be times when you will be getting all of the getting. It evens out over the long term.. Don’t Keep Score.

Hope this helps,


About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
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