Let’s talk a minute about those Angry Feelings, those ghosts that seem to keep popping up at the wrong moments. Are those feelings justified? Are they real? Well, yes they are and you need some help to be able to deal with them.
You’re angry right now . very ANGRY!
It’s understandable. When the person you love and trust most in the world betrays you, lies to you, and cheats on you, the natural response is to feel angry You have every right to your angry feelings. I would be angry too.
Perhaps you find yourself blowing up at your spouse almost every time you see him or her. You feel like you can’t help it. The rage you feel about being betrayed is too much and you explode in a fit of hurtful words and actions.
Perhaps you start unloading on your spouse when he or she does one minor thing that offends you and the offensive behavior sets you into motion-berating your spouse, not just for the current offensive behavior, but for an endless chain of other misbehaviors that may or may not be related. I refer to this as “throwing in the kitchen sink,” or “kitchen-sinking” your partner.
Or maybe your style is to conceal your anger. It seethes under the surface. You might even do this so well that you have convinced yourself you’ve overcome your anger. But secretly you know it’s still there, bubbling below the surface waiting to explode like a ticking time bomb.
These are some of the natural reactions to feeling betrayed by your spouse.
If your spouse cheated on you, it’s a natural urge for most people to verbally explode, especially in the very early stages immediately after you find out about the affair.
This anger can be useful to the injured person, but there comes a time when expressing your angry feelings gets to a point of diminishing returns. It starts creating more problems than it solves.
Most people know when they have hit this point. They want to let go of their anger, but they don’t know how. They desperately look for a way out of the nightmare of rage that never seems to end.
In one of my otheer articles, I suggested you think of acceptance rather than forgiveness as an alternative way to move toward repairing your marriage.
However, the problem of unrelenting anger is one of the single biggest obstacles on your path to acceptance. I’ve seen it many times when helping clients repair their marriage. Learning how to cope with, manage, and express your feelings so they effectively help you change your marriage instead of tearing you apart inside is a major goal for many of you as you search for ways to forgive your spouse.