Affairs – Can They Really Last?

Hi Friends,

Affair relationships, can they really last? If your relationship has started off as an affair and the two of you are wondering if you should leave your spouses and try to make a go of your relationship, you have to carefully consider the consequences of such an action.

It’s very tough to keep a relationship going if it has started off by both of you lying and cheating. For one thing you’re both going to have a real problem trusting each other. I mean, you both know that you’ve both cheated, how can you ever really be sure that you won’t each cheat on each other?  Even if the two of you can overcome that, there are still all the other issues to consider.

For one thing, are there kids involved?  This is by far the hardest situation to work through. No one wants to hurt their kids  and it will be virtually impossible for the kids to ever feel warm fuzzies for the person who broke their other parent’s heart (at least that’s the way the kids will see it. More than likely they’ll let their cheating parent largely off the hook and blame the other man/woman).

Even if there aren’t kids involved, you have to remember that this relationship is just like any other: it starts off hot and passionate, but can you keep that alive? Your marriage probably started off that way too and look where that is.

One of the biggest reasons the two of you felt so free in the first place was because you didn’t share any responsibilities.  The day to day grind is almost always what slowly works it’s way between couples and causes the problems. You have to be realistic enough to recognize that the very same thing will happen between the two of you over time. Your brand new ‘soulmate’ may not seem so brand new in five or ten years… just like your spouse.

Of course, having considered all of these facts there still remains one question you have to ask yourself, do you still love your spouse? If you can honestly say that you just don’t feel love for your spouse (and I’m not talking about the fireworks, tingling toes feeling that always fades and changes in any relationship) than despite the pain it will cause you might be doing them a favor in the long run by leaving.

If it comes to that, it’s best for everyone involved if you don’t let them know that the catalyst for the breakup is your affair. That is one secret you should keep to yourself. Just let your spouse know that the marriage is over and be as compassionate as possible.

Affair relationships almost never work, but if the two of you have decided that even though you met in the wrong way, you still have a deep love for each other and that your marriages have been over for a long time, you might as well give it a go.  Just keep the fact that you’ve been together while you were still married to other people, between the two of you. No need to cause unnecessary pain.

The old saying “The Grass Always Seems To Be Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence”, is most of the time true.  There are no perfect people on the planet Earth and don’t expect a perfect marriage without a lot of work.

Below are a few resouces you are welcome to take a look at.

About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
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