3 Tips To Save Your Marriage From An Affair

Wouldn’t it be great if you could wave a wand and never, ever have to experience the pain of an affair?  Never feel the agony of betrayal by your lover? 

Affair victims can attest: the pain of an affair ranks up there with some of the worst experiences in life. When affair victims first discover the treachery of their partner, it feels as if a mortal blow has been struck. Peace of mind is destroyed, with negative thought loops playing over and over along with a sea of negative emotions.

These victims wish they could go back in time and figure out a way to prevent the affair from ever happening.

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I am going to give you 3 tips today for affair-proofing your marriage. There is no guarantee, but this is the closest you can get to one.

An Affair Who’s at Fault?

First, I want to make one thing very clear: there is nothing an affair victim did to make their partner cheat. No matter how bad your marriage was prior to the affair, the decision to cheat ultimately lies with the cheater. You didn’t hold a gun to their head, and neither did the paramour. The full responsibility for the decision to cheat rests with the cheater.  

The reason I am adamant about this is because too many victims spend precious energy on what they did wrong that caused the affair. There are two separate issues here: there are the problems a couple has in their marriage, and then there is the cheater’s decision to commit infidelity.

So, while you play a part in your marriage and therefore are party to some of the issues, these do not excuse the cheater or give them permission to go cheat. Since when does cheating fix problems in a relationship? Instead, it brings everything to a vicious head, causes untold suffering, and sometimes completely rips apart any bond they may have had with their partner.

So when I say tell you there are ways to affair-proof your relationship, I mean there are certain things that couples in successful relationships do that help fix issues in the relationship, whereas cheaters may use the issues as an excuse for cheating.

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Successful Couples Use these 3 Strategies

Not every couple allows their issues to tear apart their marriage. If you look at the divorce rate, it’s not 100%, which means that a high percentage of couples are doing something to stay together. 

Now, a cynic may say that there are just a bunch of miserable people out there, staying together. But you have surely seen happy couples and probably wondered, what is their secret? Are they just more compatible than you and your partner?

Couples who are successful at managing their relationship struggles employ three specific strategies. These strategies help affair-proof their relationship because they can stop issues before they start, and they also pull them closer together as a couple.

Here are the three most critical affair-proofing strategies that help a marriage thrive:

Affair-proofing Strategy 1: Open-door Policy toward Partner

Keeping the lines of communication open is critical for a close, intimate marriage.

One thing that Marriage Sherpa has discovered leads to a lot of cheaters making a path toward that fatal relationship decision is their lack of transparency. When you are not open about your comings and goings or who you talk to on the phone, you’re leaving the door closed, which means secrecy. And it’s secrecy that creates fertile ground for an affair to happen.

When a couple is open with each other and shares even those trivial things such as who they associate with and where they go, it’s a lot more challenging to do sneaky behaviors that can leave the door closed for your relationship—but the door open for cheating.

Affair-proofing Strategy 2: Rolling out the Good Times

If you have one fight a month but go out for fun four times, what do you think carries more weight?

Successful couples aren’t naïve enough to believe they’ll never disagree or have an argument. However, they don’t focus 100% of their attention on the negative. They make time for laughs, and it’s this positive energy that keeps them bonded.

When couples have fun together, they’re not likely to take an interest in searching for fun elsewhere.

Affair-proofing Strategy 3: Take the “Team vs. I” Approach

Successful couples recognize that they are a team, and they pool their emotional resources together for the betterment of their team. It’s when a couple draws off into separate corners and it becomes mostly about “me” and “I,” that a rift can develop.

Taking the team approach means you resolve things together, which strengthens your bond. Taking the “I” approach can make you feel you’re on your own, and then you may start looking for someone else with whom to become a “team.”

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My best to you in affair-proofing your marriage.

Have you or your partner had an affair?

If so, had you been practicing the affair-proofing strategies in this blog?

 

About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
This entry was posted in Adultery and marriage, emotional affair, Emotional Infidelity, Love, marital stress, MARRIAGE, Marriage Warning Signs, post affair emotions, Post Affair Recovery, saving a marriage alone, saving your marriage, social media and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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