Marriage vs. Divorce Think It Over

Should you really start thinking about when to divorce when your spouse says that he or she has “fallen out of love” with you?



This is the second part in the series of blog posts on the commonly used phrase  “I love you but am not in love with You,” which will focus on what your spouse really means when he or she says  that phrase, and when to divorce.

divorce and marriage

Divorce is not the only solution to your troubled marriage.

There is no word more misunderstood, abused and thrown around lightly and in the wrong context, than the word love.

“Falling in and out of love” is a catch phrase that stirs emotions, images and ill defined ideas. You think about the word “love” and what you think may be extremely different from the person sitting next to you.

You talk about love, but your communication is lacking since the phrase can refer to almost anything a person imagines when thinking of that process.

You think it’s the end. You think it’s time for you to start planning when to divorce.

You may think “I love you but am not in love with you” is a death knell for the marriage. It certainly may feel like it. But does that phrase really mean that you should start thinking about when to divorce?

Experiences with a lot of different couples in different situations tells us that most spouses, when planning to leave a marriage, do not go to the trouble of confronting their spouse with the “I love you but am not in love with you” mantra. They are gone. Period. No meaningful communication. Just the slamming of the marital door.

“I love you but am not in love with you” most likely is an attempt to generate some sort of meaningful conversation, and not at all a way to introduce the thought of when to divorce in your head.

Even in an affair that is in full blown starry-eyed progress, your cheating spouse at one level knows that the affair relationship has a slim to none chance of working. The “I love you but am not in love with you” is a connection; perhaps much stronger than you imagine.

Or, “I love you but am not in love with you” may denote a transition or significant change in your marriage and/or the life of your spouse. You are on the edge of something and he or she knows it, although may have extreme difficulty describing it accurately.

So before you start to think about what the best or right time when to divorce is, make sure you know what your partner’s purpose is in telling you the phrase “I love you but I am not in love with you.”


Best regards,



About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
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