Marriage Crisis – Untangled


marriage  crisis, such as adultery or divorce, generates powerful feelings of fear, loss, shame and anger.

The intent of this article is to normalize your experience. And, in believing that your marriage crisis is normal, your out of control emotions simmer and you find a sliver of peace from which to live and relate.

A Marriage Crisis IS NORMAL. A Marriage Crisis is to be EXPECTED.

Let’s explore some reasons for the intensity of your feelings. And, as you begin to understand and appreciate the normalcy of your feelings and thoughts, they will diminish in intensity.

Reason #1: You feel like you are alone.

There is a mystic myth surrounding  marriage.

Have you noticed that most do not talk about their marriage?

Or, if you do talk about your marriage with someone, it’s more of a bashing session of the spouse. But, that type of locker room talk or kitchen coffee talk is a social norm. It’s not really expected that one will disclose more intimate issues related to the painfulness of that marriage.

And, you may discover that another is less than receptive if you share your deepest pain and fears about your marriage.

Most marriages live in a closet. The appearance of harmony becomes the social norm.

And so when a crisis erupts (especially adultery) you carry your pain and strong feelings alone.

You take on the feelings of isolation and lack of support. You swirl in your pain without uttering many significant words to others.

You thought that a marriage crisis would NEVER happen to you.

You were somehow immune. You would not let it happen. You would make sure your marriage would never fail.

But, here you are: living with the pain and fear of loss.

I want to attempt to reduce some of your suffering from guilt, shame or angst and first pound into your mind and heart, that if your marriage is a mess, or you seem miles away from a loving relationship you can trust, you are not alone.

Right now you most likely endure a lousy marriage. Or, you are in transition between relationships and fear entrusting yourself to someone else. Or, you are facing a relationship crisis.

You probably think of your marriage or relationship of emotional investment as less than desirable at best or lousy at worst.

If so, you are not alone.

If you are married, your marriage is most likely a mess.

Why do I say that?

You are reading this e-book for one thing and have an obvious desire for that connection.

And the reality: most marriages are truly lousy.

The divorce rate has hovered around 50% for decades. Of the other 50%, how many couples (or one person or both in the marriage) do you suppose are THINKING about divorce? Of the remaining 50%, how many do you suppose choose, for a wide variety of reasons – economics, values, for the children, etc. – to stay in a messy marriage?

How many of those who portray to others the “perfect marriage” have a marriage where there is no genuine emotional fire, or even spark?

9 out of 10 couples in a study taken some time ago in dicated they were “unhappy” in their marriage.

It is estimated that up to 80% of couples experience one spouse or the other at some point in the marriage, emotionally or sexually straying one form or another.

So, if you are unhappy or distraught in your marriage, you are NOT alone. If you are reluctant to enter into an intimate relationship, your hesitancy is normal.

Look around you. Do you see many marriages that exude joy, concern and a genuine intimacy?  Probably not.

Your angst and intense feelings about your marriage are normal.
Best Resources
Best Resources
infidelity and Affair Help
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Save a Marriage
Save Your Marriage Ebook
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About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
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