Spousal Abuse Help

spousal abuse
Dr. Bob Huizenga shared the following with me and I decided that spousal abuse was so important I would pass this along.

Spousal Abuse

Can Spousal Abuse Be A Choice?

 

How much do you tolerate with spousal abuse? What have you put up with?

In this blog I list 17 steps for coping with a spouse that exhibits addictive behaviors. Frequently, addictive (alcohol/drugs) behaviors increasingly over time lead to abuse thrown in your direction.

Alcohol And Your Marriage

Alcohol Abuse Will Ruin Your Marriage

17 Steps for Coping with an Abusive (or Cheating) Spouse

1. Put an end to your “enabling” behavior using the following guidelines:

-No more making excuses for his/her behavior.

-No more protecting him/her from consequences of his/her behavior.

-No more scolding or criticizing.

-No more begging to stop.

-No more helping him/her recover from the consequences.

-No more avoiding or “pretending not to notice” his/her destructive behavior.

-No more quick “I forgive yous.”

-No more temper tantrums to get him/her to stop.

2. List the top 5 standards that guide your behavior in terms of your marriage or relationship.

3. Live with the realization that his/her destructive behavior may get worse – and there is nothing YOU can do about it.

4. Dedicate to learning as much as you can about addictive behaviors.

5. Get support.

Check out SA, AA, AlAnon or other local groups. Find a fit for you.
Do a google search for online forums or chat rooms for addictive behaviors.

6. Discover your 5 top personal needs and get them met appropriately outside the context of your addicted partner.

7. Read about Affair #2: “I Can’t Say No” or Affair #5: “I Want to Get Back at Him/Her” (the rage affair) in …….
spousal abuse

8. Experiment with saying NO! (set productive boundaries). Avoid situations or conversations that result in pain for you.

Learn how to make statements:

“I will not accept that behavior.”

“I will not tolerate that behavior.”

“I will no longer respond to that behavior.”

9. Have an exit plan for when s/he badly deteriorates.

10. Share your exit plan with at least one other supportive person.

11. Develop exit plan B and share.

12. Embark upon a program of personal health and well being – physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

13. Set a timeline for your personal growth and anticipated markers along the way.

14. Get a coach or therapist to accelerate the progress and keep you on track.

15. Expect that the combination of need meeting, boundary setting and personal growth will get his/her attention in either a largely negative or positive fashion.

16. Develop a game plan for increased destructive behavior.

17. Develop a game plan for the “I don’t want to lose you” comment from him/her.

Spousal Abuse?

Real Men Don’t Hit Their Wives

Hoping this helps from one who grew up in a violent parental spousal abuse situation.

Laurence
spousal abuse

About Laurence

Hi friends, when I began this blog 2 years ago I was at the end of what turned out to be a 51year marriage. My wife succumbed to cancer on 12/6/11 and life has not been the same since. It was and still is my goal here to promote long term marriages. There are many reasons this is difficult today, but I still believe it is possible and via this blog I will be trying to suggest steps you BOTH can take to save your marriage. Thank you
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