Saving A Dysfunctional Marriage Tips


Hello,

What can save a marriage when everything seems hopeless?

I thought about titling this entry as “WHO’ can save my marriage when all else seems hopeless.

It has been 28 years since I have had to take alcohol to survive my day. Jesus Christ helped me make the changes in my life that were needed to continue our marriage. And I Thank Him Every Day!

Marriage And Trust

Rebuild The Trust In Your Marriage

So…..

Marriage is considered a  sacred institution by most of the world’s religions. It is the foundation of the family, which, in turn, is the foundation for society. This is why there is a lot of emphasis on saving a marriage.

But that doesn’t mean that marriages today don’t run into trouble. The changing roles of men ad women, financial pressures, and difficulties with children all make it hard to make marriages work.

So who do you turn to?

Perhaps the best place to look is the institution that values marriage more than any other – the church.

While a clinical psychologist or licensed family therapist will take an individualistic approach to marriage counseling, a pastor will focus on making the marriage work in a wholistic sense. Over all, this has a better chance of actually saving the marriage.

Why is a pastoral counselor better than a secular therapist?

A secular therapist’s education focuses almost entirely on treating individual psychopathologies. Even “Marriage and Family” designated counselors may have only one class or elective dealing specifically with couple’s therapy. Do you think this approach can save marriage?

A pastoral counselor, on the other hand, will be educated in how to bring couples closer together.

With the exception of abuse in the relationship, they have the fundamental belief that once the vows are taken, the marriage is forever.

Some pastoral counselors have formal education in counseling. More and more seminaries are offering pastoral counseling degrees. But even ministers without a formal degree take classes and seminars in the subject.

If you don’t have a church home, you might have some difficulty finding a pastor to help you. And, you don’t have six months to establish membership in a church before approaching the pastor.

In this case, you can call various churches and ask them if they have any upcoming couples retreats where you can save marriage through these weekend seminars. Once you have established a relationship with a skilled pastor in these settings, you may be able to do follow up counselor with the same person.

A good couple’s retreat will help you deal with many different types of issues. There will be group sessions and couple’s sessions. You will also have time to work on questions individually.

Communication is a big issue at these conferences. If you can work on your communications issues, you will find that the other pieces of the relationship fall into place.

Sex, finances, and child raising are also addressed. The goal is to get you back on track in every aspect of your relationship. You don’t have to be on the same page going in, but the hope is that you will be when you leave.

Marriage is tough . Sometimes it seems like the relationship cannot endure. But, there are so many reasons to see if you can’t make it work. In this case, consider seeing if a pastor can guide you and your spouse to save your marriage.

An excellent resource I recommend is:

As we journey,

Laurence

 

Posted in Adultery and marriage, alcohol and marriage, divorce, emotional abuse, emotional affair, flirting, healthy marriage, Love, marital crisis, MARRIAGE, marriage communication, Marriage Warning Signs, nagging, physical abuse, Post Affair Recovery, saving a marriage alone, saving your marriage, social media and your marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Worry And How It Effects Your Marriage

How Can Your Marriage resemble a demolition derby?

In case you are not familiar, a demolition derby starts with a number of modified old cars with good engines sitting in a circle in the middle of the track ready to ram each other intending to demolish as many as possible. The last car running is declared the winner.

When the flag is dropped each driver chooses another car as the target, slams the car in reverse, jams the foot down on the accelerator and attempts to back into the targeted car and create as much damage as possible.

It was chaos!

 Marriage And Worry

Demolition Derby Can Apply To A Marriage

Motors were roaring; beat up old vehicles flying in reverse as fast a possible; cars slamming into each other by the second; some spinning around out of control; drivers yelling, screaming and shaking their fists at each other.

Talk about adrenaline!

The demolition derby reminds me of a marriage crisis!

Your marriage  crisis brings chaos. Your world takes on an aggressive and painful flavor.

You bang around and slam into each other and yourself time and time again.

For most, it’s a crazy time, especially if the crisis emerged unexpectedly and with a huge threat (you discovered the affair; your spouse suddenly left, divorce is imminent, “mid-life crisis,” to name a few.)

Your familiar routines and familiar schedules no longer provide comfort and a feeling of safety. You feel terribly threatened and starkly afraid .

You struggle to control your feelings. You can’t sleep. A part of you is constantly thinking, ruminating about him/her, about your future, about what went wrong and about your shortcomings.

You have images and sharp clear pictures in your mind that disturb and won’t go away.

You revert back to old patterns of dealing with trauma; you act out, you cave in, you sleep too much, you don’t sleep enough, you eat too much, you don’t eat enough. You are distant or you are ever present. You swear. Or, you are super sweet. You rage against your spouse. Or, you rage against yourself. 

You give up on what was pleasing and enjoyable for you.

You worry. You fret. You ruminate. You wonder.

Tension is your middle name, whether you exhibit that anxiety and tension to others or lock it deep within you as you feel frozen.

There is such an animal called “free floating” anxiety. This is the sort of anxiety that has no apparent or conscious connection to what a person is thinking. That’s not the type of anxiety I’m referring to in this report.

I’m referring to an anxious state. Perhaps a better word is worry. The anxiety I refer to is an anxious state in which the anxiety is tied to specific thoughts. You feel anxious when you worry about x, y or z.

I asked my readers what they worry most about in the midst of their marital crisis.

Here are just a few examples of what worry consumes some in a marital crisis:

“I worry that there are more things that I don’t know about — that she/he is still harboring secrets.”

“How do I get him/her to admit she is wrong? What can I do or say or find that I can put in front of her to get him/her to stop what she is doing?”

“I’m anxious and worried about being cut adrift and feeling isolated and alone in the world.”

“I worry about what is actually happening. I see behaviors which are erratic and appear to be to keep me away from the truth. He explodes with anger or is moody and quiet. Then sad and loving.”

“I guess that I’m afraid to be hurt again, it was the most searing pain I have ever experienced – the rejection, the emotional slap in the face, that everything i knew was now unstable, I had no foundation, nothing solid in my life to hold onto.”

“I worry whether or not I will survive intact emotionally.

“I worry that we will never be able to trust each other again. That I will never be able to talk to him without worrying that I am going to hit a trigger.”

“I worry that it will never end, never get to a better place. The pain and suffering will go on and on.”

“I worry the most about a divorce and finances.”

“I am most anxious about whether or not I can save my marriage, is there hope, will he leave the other woman and reconcile? Is it over will I be alone?”

“Because my husband never discussed any unhappiness with me, expertly hid his 5-year long affair, & left out-of-the-blue to live with the other woman, I worry we will never have any chance to save our marriage.”

Take a minute and catalog the worries that run through your mind and generate out-of-control feelings.

Best Resources
infidelity and Affair Help
Break Free From the Affair
Best selling ebook on infidelity. Learn how to diagnose an affair and plan a specific strategy that offers the best hope of influencing the direction of the affair. Click here for more informatio
Posted in Adultery and marriage, alcohol and marriage, divorce, emotional abuse, emotional affair, flirting, healthy marriage, Love, marital anxiety, marital crisis, MARRIAGE, marriage communication, Marriage Warning Signs, nagging, physical abuse, post affair emotions, Post Affair Recovery, saving a marriage alone, saving your marriage, social media and your marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Can You Save Your Marriage Alone?

Is It Possible To Save A Marriage Alone?

Let’s take a look at saving your marriage even if you are the only one working on it.

I received an email from a friend Andrew, who suggested I send you this email about recovery.

Communication is the key not Marriage and Isolation

This aint communication



There is so much to learn!

Andrew says…

Hi,

They have told you they love you but aren’t in love with you.

There is a growing feeling of un-fullfillment in the marriage.

You don’t talk or laugh as often as you used to.

You seek out friendship and companionship in outsiders instead of your spouse.


All of these things can point to a marriage in crisis, and it’s not a nice feeling. But with the right level of commitment, and the right advice, it is possible for your relationship to recover.

I want to start by telling you that focusing on the problem won’t give you the answers you are seeking.

Understanding the cause of the problems and applying specific marriage techniques to them will give you the answers.

And the good news for you is that I have recently found a course that will help you save your troubled marriage.


* Are you unclear about what’s gone wrong in your marriage? Discover the most common mistakes that can cause nearly all relationships to break up. Learn what these are and how to avoid them.

* Are you the only one that wants to save it? Discover what YOU can do to fix the relationship – even if your partner doesn’t want to.

* Do you struggle to communicate effectively in times of crisis? Learn powerful techniques to ensure your spouse listens, so that you feel appreciated and valued.

* Does your marriage come apart at the seams in an argument? Learn and apply mind blowing strategies for handling your relationship conflicts in a more constructive and less emotionally stressful way!

Chances are what you have tried up until now has failed, which is why your relationship recovery requires a rethink. Learn and apply time-tested techniques that have worked for hundreds of couples before you, and discover what it really takes to become a success story.

You can have a marriage that’s even better than before.


Simple yet effective tactics to get your marriage back on track. Get your copy now! Dr. Huizenga has been a practicing marriage counselor for over 30 years. Take a tip from a professional and get his book today!

 
Talk soon,
Laurence

Posted in Adultery and marriage, alcohol and marriage, divorce, emotional abuse, Emotional Infidelity, flirting, healthy marriage, Love, marital crisis, MARRIAGE, marriage communication, Marriage Warning Signs, nagging, physical abuse, Post Affair Recovery, saving a marriage alone, social media and your marriage, spousal abuse | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Marriage Crisis – Untangled

Hello,

marriage  crisis, such as adultery or divorce, generates powerful feelings of fear, loss, shame and anger.

The intent of this article is to normalize your experience. And, in believing that your marriage crisis is normal, your out of control emotions simmer and you find a sliver of peace from which to live and relate.

A Marriage Crisis IS NORMAL. A Marriage Crisis is to be EXPECTED.

Let’s explore some reasons for the intensity of your feelings. And, as you begin to understand and appreciate the normalcy of your feelings and thoughts, they will diminish in intensity.

Reason #1: You feel like you are alone.

There is a mystic myth surrounding  marriage.

Have you noticed that most do not talk about their marriage?

Or, if you do talk about your marriage with someone, it’s more of a bashing session of the spouse. But, that type of locker room talk or kitchen coffee talk is a social norm. It’s not really expected that one will disclose more intimate issues related to the painfulness of that marriage.

And, you may discover that another is less than receptive if you share your deepest pain and fears about your marriage.

Most marriages live in a closet. The appearance of harmony becomes the social norm.

And so when a crisis erupts (especially adultery) you carry your pain and strong feelings alone.

You take on the feelings of isolation and lack of support. You swirl in your pain without uttering many significant words to others.


You thought that a marriage crisis would NEVER happen to you.

You were somehow immune. You would not let it happen. You would make sure your marriage would never fail.

But, here you are: living with the pain and fear of loss.

I want to attempt to reduce some of your suffering from guilt, shame or angst and first pound into your mind and heart, that if your marriage is a mess, or you seem miles away from a loving relationship you can trust, you are not alone.

Right now you most likely endure a lousy marriage. Or, you are in transition between relationships and fear entrusting yourself to someone else. Or, you are facing a relationship crisis.

You probably think of your marriage or relationship of emotional investment as less than desirable at best or lousy at worst.

If so, you are not alone.

If you are married, your marriage is most likely a mess.

Why do I say that?

You are reading this e-book for one thing and have an obvious desire for that connection.

And the reality: most marriages are truly lousy.

The divorce rate has hovered around 50% for decades. Of the other 50%, how many couples (or one person or both in the marriage) do you suppose are THINKING about divorce? Of the remaining 50%, how many do you suppose choose, for a wide variety of reasons – economics, values, for the children, etc. – to stay in a messy marriage?

How many of those who portray to others the “perfect marriage” have a marriage where there is no genuine emotional fire, or even spark?

9 out of 10 couples in a study taken some time ago in dicated they were “unhappy” in their marriage.

It is estimated that up to 80% of couples experience one spouse or the other at some point in the marriage, emotionally or sexually straying one form or another.

So, if you are unhappy or distraught in your marriage, you are NOT alone. If you are reluctant to enter into an intimate relationship, your hesitancy is normal.

Look around you. Do you see many marriages that exude joy, concern and a genuine intimacy?  Probably not.

Your angst and intense feelings about your marriage are normal.
Best Resources
Best Resources
infidelity and Affair Help
Break Free From the Affair
Best selling ebook on infidelity. Learn how to diagnose an affair and plan a specific strategy that offers the best hope of influencing the direction of the affair. Click here for more information.
Save a Marriage
Save Your Marriage Ebook
Learn how to control your feelings, calm yourself and move through a marriage crisis with confidence and effectiveness
This e https://lv130.isrefer.com/go/5tips/sideslip/book works even. Click here for more information.
Posted in Adultery and marriage, alcohol and marriage, emotional abuse, emotional affair, extra-marital affair help, flirting, healthy marriage, Love, marital crisis, MARRIAGE, marriage communication, Marriage Warning Signs, nagging, physical abuse, Post Affair Recovery, saving a marriage alone, saving your marriage, social media, social media and your marriage, spousal abuse | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment