Senior Marriage Tips

A senior marriage can have it’s problems also.

Society likes to paint a perfect picture of the cute older couple holding hands through the grocery store, so deeply in love since their young high school days.  Although this vision of marriage is possible for seniors, it may not be the case in your marriage.  Do you need marriage help?

Save Your Marriage

Togetherness Builds A Strong Marriage

Marriage can be difficult at any age.  Trials and tribulations do not cease in a marriage just because you and your spouse have become older and wiser.  In fact, seniors deal with problems in their marriage just like their younger counterparts.  If you are a senior and your marriage needs help, there are places to turn for the advice and help you need.

With advancing age comes more health issues.  Medical troubles can lead to the need for marriage help.  Maybe you or your spouse are having a hard time dealing with a health problem.  It can be difficult to deal with a spouse who refuses to take care of themselves properly when diagnosed with a health condition such as  diabetes or heart disease.

You may nudge your spouse to eat the diet appropriate for the condition because you love him or her, but your spouse may view this as nagging.  Maybe your spouse feels you don’t trust them to make the right choice.  Misunderstandings and miscommunications such as these can create the need for marriage help.

Consider finding a couples therapist in your area.  A therapist can help you and your partner learn to communicate more effectively.  A support group related to the health condition may also be a great way to help your marriage.  Marriage help comes in many forms.

Limited income can make a budget tight.  When dealing with financial issues in your marriage, you have several options.  Marriage help in regards to financial issues can come in the way of credit counseling.  A credit counselor can help you and your mate create a budget that will be effective while living on your retirement money or social security.  A visit with the credit counselor is usually free of charge.

Speak to a financial planner about how to spend wisely during retirement.  Knowing that you and your partner can financially afford your later years will relieve a great deal of stress on a couple.  Financial security is an excellent way to help a marriage.  Stress

With retirement comes many changes in a marriage.  Couples may find they need marriage help during the transition from work and children to retirement and empty nest syndrome.  Couples who previously worked full-time positions have cut back their hours or completely left the work force.  Now, husbands and wives are around each other nearly all day every day.  This time together may be appealing at first, but eventually couples need some time apart.

Join a senior center in your area.  Join the “Y” get doing some exercise.You and your spouse can find other seniors to talk to and get to know each other.  Making friends will give you someone to chat with besides your mate.  Marriage help can come from friends.

Remaining active can be a good stress reliever for your marriage.  Boredom during the retirement years can be stressful on both partners in a marriage.  A fine way to help your marriage is to stay busy by traveling or volunteering.

Marriage help can be available in many forms for all marriage problems.  Although seniors are not exempt from trouble, they can find the marriage help they need.  Senior organizations, credit counseling, and couples therapy are all ways to help your marriage.

Friends it’s really up to you.  My wife and I have just passed the 55+ mark in our marriage.  As I have mentioned earlier it has not been perfect.  But, divorce never came to the table.  Having just retired we both remain active. Her at the gym, yoga, swim, churh family etc.  And me blogging, kayaking, PPG flying, backpacking, church, family etc.

Here is the one resource I recommend…….

Senior marriage can be better and usually does if you will work at it.

Laurence

 

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Spousal Abuse Help


Dr. Bob Huizenga shared the following with me and I decided that spousal abuse was so important I would pass this along.

Spousal Abuse

Can Spousal Abuse Be A Choice?

 

How much do you tolerate with spousal abuse? What have you put up with?

In this blog I list 17 steps for coping with a spouse that exhibits addictive behaviors. Frequently, addictive (alcohol/drugs) behaviors increasingly over time lead to abuse thrown in your direction.

Alcohol And Your Marriage

Alcohol Abuse Will Ruin Your Marriage

17 Steps for Coping with an Abusive (or Cheating) Spouse

1. Put an end to your “enabling” behavior using the following guidelines:

-No more making excuses for his/her behavior.

-No more protecting him/her from consequences of his/her behavior.

-No more scolding or criticizing.

-No more begging to stop.

-No more helping him/her recover from the consequences.

-No more avoiding or “pretending not to notice” his/her destructive behavior.

-No more quick “I forgive yous.”

-No more temper tantrums to get him/her to stop.

2. List the top 5 standards that guide your behavior in terms of your marriage or relationship.

3. Live with the realization that his/her destructive behavior may get worse – and there is nothing YOU can do about it.

4. Dedicate to learning as much as you can about addictive behaviors.

5. Get support.

Check out SA, AA, AlAnon or other local groups. Find a fit for you.
Do a google search for online forums or chat rooms for addictive behaviors.

6. Discover your 5 top personal needs and get them met appropriately outside the context of your addicted partner.

7. Read about Affair #2: “I Can’t Say No” or Affair #5: “I Want to Get Back at Him/Her” (the rage affair) in …….

8. Experiment with saying NO! (set productive boundaries). Avoid situations or conversations that result in pain for you.

Learn how to make statements:

“I will not accept that behavior.”

“I will not tolerate that behavior.”

“I will no longer respond to that behavior.”

9. Have an exit plan for when s/he badly deteriorates.

10. Share your exit plan with at least one other supportive person.

11. Develop exit plan B and share.

12. Embark upon a program of personal health and well being – physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

13. Set a timeline for your personal growth and anticipated markers along the way.

14. Get a coach or therapist to accelerate the progress and keep you on track.

15. Expect that the combination of need meeting, boundary setting and personal growth will get his/her attention in either a largely negative or positive fashion.

16. Develop a game plan for increased destructive behavior.

17. Develop a game plan for the “I don’t want to lose you” comment from him/her.

Spousal Abuse?

Real Men Don’t Hit Their Wives

Hoping this helps from one who grew up in a violent parental spousal abuse situation.

Laurence

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Save Your Marriage Using The 3 C’s


Hi Friends

I feel I need to remind friends that I write these posts with 53+years of marriage authority. Saving your marriage really does take work and commitment and I believe what holds all of it together is LOVE.  No, I don’t mean that emotional high Love. I mean that unconditonal Love that can weather the storms of life.

I am NOT advocating staying in a relationship that is abusive or hurtful.  If these issues can not be resolved with outside help then it is probably time for a marriage to dissolve. (I hope I said that right).

Emotional Affairs And Your Marriage

Social Media Has No Place In The Marriage Bed.

 

If you have already taken the plunge into marriage, there are several ways to avoid the need for marriage help.

Simply keeping an eye out and watching for any potential problems is a terrific way to avoid marriage help in the future.  If your plan is to avoid outside help for your marriage, take some advice from a marriage therapist.  If that doesn’t work, try some advice from your grandmother who has been happily married for many, many years.

The three C’s are essential in a healthy marriage.

The three C’s are communication, commitment, and compromise.

Excellent communication skills are not only handy on the job.  A person who can communicate well with you will make the best mate.  Your marriage will need less help through the rough spots if the two of you can talk through your troubles.  If communication between you and your spouse isn’t up to par, you may find yourselves seated in a therapist office in the future.

You may have heard not to go to bed angry.  This is not an old wives’ tale.  Take grandma’s advice.  This is a valuable piece of information.  Speak to your partner about problems when they happen.  Don’t fester about a situation for days or even months before bringing it to light.  A therapist that provides marriage help will tell you it is easier to manage problems when they are small rather than allowing them to build up.

Show your commitment to your spouse.  Avoid any marriage help by letting your loved one know how much he or she means to you.  You do not need to be elaborate in your efforts unless you want to do so.

The simple act of saying “I love you” may be all it takes to let your honey know you care.  Thoughtful gestures can brighten the day of your mate.  A simple love note on a sticky pad will make all the difference in the world when it comes to your marriage.

This may sound easy and simple, but with the stressful demands of today’s society, it can be hard to remember that letting them know that they are on your mind is important.  Not only will such gestures keep you on the good list, they will help you to avoid any marriage help.

Don't Fight While Angry

Don’t Fight While Angry

Never talk about leaving the marriage over something petty. 

Marriage help is needed when issues of trust arise.  It can be avoided by not planting a seed of doubt in the mind of your spouse about your commitment to the marriage.  If a partner in a marriage suspects their spouse is not  committed to the marriage, the two of you will need marriage help right away to resolve such an issue.

Marriage help often appears as a form of intervention when a couple is unable to compromise. 

Marriage is give and take.  It is not healthy to allow your mate to walk all over you and get what he or she wants all of the time.  A balance needs to be reached between partners in a marriage.  If each partner feels that they are not giving up all of their needs, dreams, and desires, the relationship will flourish.  A marriage gets into trouble and needs help when this balance gets out of whack.

To avoid outside marriage help, simply remember to instill the three C’s in your marriage on a daily basis.  With this in mind, avoiding marriage help can become a reality for you and your mate. A source of  excellent help that I recommend is….

Best wishes for your successful marriage. Thank GOD He blessed ours.

Laurence

 

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Save My Marriage – Fix It!

How to Help Me Fix My Marriage When my Spouse Says “I Don’t Love You Anymore”

Young man consoling woman at dining table in house

So, you ask, how can you possibly help me fix my marriage?

How do you do more than swallow hard and go into shock when your spouse says,  “I love you but am not in love with you anymore?”

Lets look at some distinctions and what your confused spouse might REALLY be saying to you,which is the focus of this first part of a six-part series of blog posts.

One day, perhaps without warning, during a rather quiet moment, your spouse nervously says to you, “You know, I think I love you but am not ‘in love’ with you anymore.” And when this happens, the first thought you have is “how can anyone help me fix my marriage when my husband or wife isn’t in love with me anymore?”

Your heart sinks. You feel like you are punched in the gut. Your mind scrambles with fear-filled scenarios. It feels like your world, as you know it, is coming to an end. The “D” word flashes through your mind and terror fills your soul.

Or, something has been a little “off” for a period of time and now the words, “I love you but am not ‘in love’ with you” bring the reality of the disturbance front and center.

How do you respond? What do you say? How do you cope with the fear, disbelief and confusion? How do you move through this revelation and all the disturbing images and feelings it triggers? And you start to wonder “what things can I do to help me fix my marriage?”

This just might be the help you are looking for!

You Feel Alone

You may experience a profound sense of isolation and disbelief. You never thought this would happen to you. You never thought s/he would utter such painful words. You never thought it would come to this.

Marriage was to provide the love, trust and security you always wanted.

For better, for worse, til death do us part, correct?

But before you even begin to go through books, relationship blogs or other sources that promise to provide ways that can “help me fix my marriage,” let’s start with the fact that the statement or concept at least, I love you but am not “in love” with you, is extremely common in a marriage.

I would be an extremely wealthy man if I received a kickback from everyone in my office during marital counseling over the past twenty some years who said, “I really care about him/her, but have fallen out of love.”

Your mind is free to imagine the worst

“I love you but am not “in love” with you.” What in the world does that mean? What is love? What kind of love is s/he talking about? Where did this come from? And, where is it going?

This statement is so vague and so generic your mind naturally and easily migrates to everything that has been ugly, bad and fraught with tension and distance. And believe me, in a relationship of emotional investment we ALL come up with the bad, the ugly and everything between.

Best Wishes As You Both Work To Restore Your Marriage.

Laurence

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